Day (21), (22), 23, 24
Last week was a mess.
With musical I was unable to attend Tuesday, I totally lied on Wednesday because I was so miserable it was all I could do to crawl home and into bed after the doctor. I'm afraid everyone is going to think I'm some sort of hypochondriac because of my crazy body and problems.
I went to class on Thursday the 2nd. It was just weird. Between the full moon and the shooting at the U a couple of nights before everyone was just off - It started with me not being in the correct mind set when I arrived. I was so tired and everything hurt so badly....C started with me in the chair and it wasn't going well. Finally she just told me to go to the table. She spent about 15 minutes on me and told me to stay put as she went to work with others.
When she started to work with the last student I went in to watch. That was a mess too. C was trying things and the person in the chair was not being cooperative - at that point everyone was frustrated. C finally gave up and just started class - she read from "bone, Breath, and Gesture" a book with interviews of 1st generation AT teachers. It was interesting. There were some quotes she pulled that I really liked.
"I believe in everything, and I believe in nothing."
"Any word I use has got barnacles on it."
Both of these are from F.M. Alexander. I especially like the last one. Everything we say has some meaning attached to it whether that is meaning from a dictionary or meaning from our own experience there is no "clean"word. It's no wonder people take offense....no, I take that back. It's a decision to take offense, a word itself shouldn't cause it - should it?
Then there was discussion about end-gaining and faulty sensory perception and trying too hard. Such interesting concepts.....
Also, the thought that concentration brings everything to a point - we need a wider range of awareness. It's so true. When all we focus on is a single tiny point we lose sight of everything that influences that point. I guess I see this in the medical field especially. When I started being treated for tennis elbow 10+ years ago all the focus was on where the pain was and relieving the pain. It wasn't until I asked the PT about triggers in my shoulder that things started to improve. Why? Yes, there was pain at my elbow no question - but the CAUSE of the pain wasn't being adequately addressed so the pain itself was not resolving. It didn't matter how much massage, medication, how many injections and treatments were applied to the pain itself nothing was going to change until the plane of the focus was broader and treatment was applied to the cause.
We ended the evening looking at bones and anatomy. C didn't participate, I think she'd pretty well had it with us by that time - Heh, I couldn't blame her, we were all an unfocused mess! By 8:40 I was in so much pain again I couldn't sit and be comfortable so I begged off and everyone did the same. It was probably for the best.
On Saturday when I arrived L's friend was here from Wisconsin. She's a violinist too :) She worked with me on the ball for a bit, we did some opposition work from arms to the hips in reference to sending the knees forward more. It was good work. I really enjoy working with other AT practitioners it gives me new ideas and perspectives.
L worked with me on the ball again. He worked me from a VERY small primary. He almost wrapped me up into a ball! My head way forward, arms/shoulders way in. I told him this was so contrary to everything I've done with AT up to this point. He laughed and told me that we need to use what we're good at and work from there as a point of reference. Smart.
Since I'm so good a being in "primary" he REALLY put me into primary!! Then we took that to tipping the chair. It really helped, and it loosened up the low back.
We spent a lot of time then talking about inhibition and what it is and isn't. We talked in reference to the shooting at the U earlier in the week and what responses were appropriate. J mentioned how "off" her choirs were that day (she works at another university) and it wasn't until L mentioned the shooting that she put 2 and 2 together. OF course they were off, there was a shooter on a college campus who was (at that time) still on the run. Everyone was off.
There was an acknowledgement that we all should have probably taken time to address the shooter issue in our classrooms and places of business. We talked about the fact that people seem to feel the need to ignore things like this, even though they do affect us - deeply. We like to act as if they dont, but they do.
There was discussion about reaction vs. response and how inhibition plays into both of these words. Inhibiting a reaction (can) be a good thing. The ability to think before making a response is often to our benefit. Of course, in times of extreme danger stepping back and thinking - "hm....do I need to move out of the way of this moving train??" Is not an appropriate response or reaction. In cases like that we need to react! However, inhibiting a reaction and making an appropriate, timely response in situations where it is warranted is kind of the way it should be. Like my teacher in college used to tell me - "Brains before muscle" - I've taken that to mean your vocal muscle too! This discussion was interesting and telling and it did get me thinking - not a bad thing :)
We then spent time as a group talking about the 4 stages. Primary engagement, Primary reset, secondary engagement and secondary reset. We each had turns being on the ball and being the teacher. We started by sending the ball forward and reclining back, then sending the ball back and looking down to move forward from the hips, then continuing to send the ball back and looking up and continuing to look up and send the ball forward.
It was very wavy looking as you watched it in a continual motion. L said that this practice is not for the students but for the teachers. It's to help us see if the pelvis is engaging as a person moves forward and up and back and down. It was effective! I really enjoyed Saturday's session.
In other thoughts - I finally went back and looked at test results. I have an infection in my intestine - something that could be chronic. I've been put on a monster antibiotic! Plus a bunch of natural stuff that is supposed to help kill it.
I feel miserable still. My back continues to do weird things. The past 2 days it's changed from sciatica to .... I dont even know what this is - but I cant sit. It's ugly. I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of being tired. Musical isn't helping at all - 5 hours of rehearsal last night - I can't wait for this week to be over!!
With musical I was unable to attend Tuesday, I totally lied on Wednesday because I was so miserable it was all I could do to crawl home and into bed after the doctor. I'm afraid everyone is going to think I'm some sort of hypochondriac because of my crazy body and problems.
I went to class on Thursday the 2nd. It was just weird. Between the full moon and the shooting at the U a couple of nights before everyone was just off - It started with me not being in the correct mind set when I arrived. I was so tired and everything hurt so badly....C started with me in the chair and it wasn't going well. Finally she just told me to go to the table. She spent about 15 minutes on me and told me to stay put as she went to work with others.
When she started to work with the last student I went in to watch. That was a mess too. C was trying things and the person in the chair was not being cooperative - at that point everyone was frustrated. C finally gave up and just started class - she read from "bone, Breath, and Gesture" a book with interviews of 1st generation AT teachers. It was interesting. There were some quotes she pulled that I really liked.
"I believe in everything, and I believe in nothing."
"Any word I use has got barnacles on it."
Both of these are from F.M. Alexander. I especially like the last one. Everything we say has some meaning attached to it whether that is meaning from a dictionary or meaning from our own experience there is no "clean"word. It's no wonder people take offense....no, I take that back. It's a decision to take offense, a word itself shouldn't cause it - should it?
Then there was discussion about end-gaining and faulty sensory perception and trying too hard. Such interesting concepts.....
Also, the thought that concentration brings everything to a point - we need a wider range of awareness. It's so true. When all we focus on is a single tiny point we lose sight of everything that influences that point. I guess I see this in the medical field especially. When I started being treated for tennis elbow 10+ years ago all the focus was on where the pain was and relieving the pain. It wasn't until I asked the PT about triggers in my shoulder that things started to improve. Why? Yes, there was pain at my elbow no question - but the CAUSE of the pain wasn't being adequately addressed so the pain itself was not resolving. It didn't matter how much massage, medication, how many injections and treatments were applied to the pain itself nothing was going to change until the plane of the focus was broader and treatment was applied to the cause.
We ended the evening looking at bones and anatomy. C didn't participate, I think she'd pretty well had it with us by that time - Heh, I couldn't blame her, we were all an unfocused mess! By 8:40 I was in so much pain again I couldn't sit and be comfortable so I begged off and everyone did the same. It was probably for the best.
On Saturday when I arrived L's friend was here from Wisconsin. She's a violinist too :) She worked with me on the ball for a bit, we did some opposition work from arms to the hips in reference to sending the knees forward more. It was good work. I really enjoy working with other AT practitioners it gives me new ideas and perspectives.
L worked with me on the ball again. He worked me from a VERY small primary. He almost wrapped me up into a ball! My head way forward, arms/shoulders way in. I told him this was so contrary to everything I've done with AT up to this point. He laughed and told me that we need to use what we're good at and work from there as a point of reference. Smart.
Since I'm so good a being in "primary" he REALLY put me into primary!! Then we took that to tipping the chair. It really helped, and it loosened up the low back.
We spent a lot of time then talking about inhibition and what it is and isn't. We talked in reference to the shooting at the U earlier in the week and what responses were appropriate. J mentioned how "off" her choirs were that day (she works at another university) and it wasn't until L mentioned the shooting that she put 2 and 2 together. OF course they were off, there was a shooter on a college campus who was (at that time) still on the run. Everyone was off.
There was an acknowledgement that we all should have probably taken time to address the shooter issue in our classrooms and places of business. We talked about the fact that people seem to feel the need to ignore things like this, even though they do affect us - deeply. We like to act as if they dont, but they do.
There was discussion about reaction vs. response and how inhibition plays into both of these words. Inhibiting a reaction (can) be a good thing. The ability to think before making a response is often to our benefit. Of course, in times of extreme danger stepping back and thinking - "hm....do I need to move out of the way of this moving train??" Is not an appropriate response or reaction. In cases like that we need to react! However, inhibiting a reaction and making an appropriate, timely response in situations where it is warranted is kind of the way it should be. Like my teacher in college used to tell me - "Brains before muscle" - I've taken that to mean your vocal muscle too! This discussion was interesting and telling and it did get me thinking - not a bad thing :)
We then spent time as a group talking about the 4 stages. Primary engagement, Primary reset, secondary engagement and secondary reset. We each had turns being on the ball and being the teacher. We started by sending the ball forward and reclining back, then sending the ball back and looking down to move forward from the hips, then continuing to send the ball back and looking up and continuing to look up and send the ball forward.
It was very wavy looking as you watched it in a continual motion. L said that this practice is not for the students but for the teachers. It's to help us see if the pelvis is engaging as a person moves forward and up and back and down. It was effective! I really enjoyed Saturday's session.
In other thoughts - I finally went back and looked at test results. I have an infection in my intestine - something that could be chronic. I've been put on a monster antibiotic! Plus a bunch of natural stuff that is supposed to help kill it.
I feel miserable still. My back continues to do weird things. The past 2 days it's changed from sciatica to .... I dont even know what this is - but I cant sit. It's ugly. I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of being tired. Musical isn't helping at all - 5 hours of rehearsal last night - I can't wait for this week to be over!!
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